Matt and Kim are coming to town!

Seriously going to puke. I just asked Fernando to go with me to this. I hate myself for feeling this way and I hate myself for immediately thinking of him when I saw this, but what are you going to do. I hope he says yes! I hope he at least replies. If he doesn't reply by Thursday maybe I'll call him? Ugh, hes my ex and I should not be doing this to myself, but this is life and sometimes you have to just say fuck it and throw all logical reasoning out the window and just follow your heart. And my heart desperately wants to go to this show with that boy. 

Family Outtings

Today when I woke up, I had totally different plans for today. I was planning on running, cleaning, going to the farmers market, looking into buying a bike and possibly stopping at the eye doctor. Well then my mom decided it would be nice if we all went on a little adventure since I wasn't working and she didn't have anything to do for the day. I really didn't want to go, but I felt bad saying no, so I said yes. I am honestly really glad I went though. It was a nice day. We drove into the city and spent forever looking for a spot. Once we finally found one, we went walking through Central Park looking for the Zoo. On our hunt for the Zoo, we walked past this boat club or something (?) where you could rent a canoe for 1 hour for only $12. This is so unlike my mom - she is all about the mall and Louie Vuitton bags, but she agreed to go canoeing! We had trouble getting it going, but once we got the hang of it, it was so nice and fun! When our hour was up we continued our hunt for the Zoo, ate some food and checked out the animals. On our way home we had some car issues, but overall it was a really lovely day. Not at all what I had planned and my room is still a mess, but I had a really nice time. 

On a side note, check out my hair! Ugh, every day is a constant struggle with my hair, but I just keep reminding myself of how healthy it is now and how freaking awesome my curls are going to be once my hair gets longer. But seriously - this sucks. My brother always tells me I look like Harry Potter. I don't see the resemblance. 

Introductions

That is a serious cheesin' smile I have going on in that picture up there - hopefully it doesn't creep anyone out! Ha ha (; Anyways, I can see that my blog has been getting a lot more views lately, yet my followers/comments have not changed at all! So I decided to create this post to say hello to all of you out there checking out my blog.

Hello! (:

My name is Jess and I am super friendly and I would love to get to know you! I could get into a serious whole about me thing right now, but I wont. If you have questions, leave them in the comments. Here are some questions I have for you! What sent you to my blog? What are things that you like/dislike about my blog? Are you reading anything good/eating anything good/listening to anything good that I should know about? Lets get to know each other! 

^That is me waving to you! It looks like I am doing some sort of weird dance move, but I promise its a wave!

Cruising on the highway with my friends

This past week and a half has been absolutely nuts! I decided to wait until I got home to write about it all, and let me tell you - I am glad to be home. It was incredible and exciting to be a sort of "nomad" for a while, but the bags under my eyes are a testament to the fact that it is also super exhausing. Anyways, heres what I have been up to:

Sunday July 14th - Wednesday July 18th : Atlantic City/Wildwood

My mom is seriously the most impulsive person in the plant and she is awful with planning anything. She just wakes up and decides she wants to go somewhere, and the rest of us must follow. Well on Sunday, I woke up and my mom told me to pack a bag because we were going down the shore. I had a nice time (despite the fact that my mom got on my nerves), I was able to start a super cool plarn project, and I got to work on my tan! (; Oh yeah, and I discovered the deliciousness that is Wawa iced coffee!

July 19th - July 23rd : Firefly Music Festival

On Thursday my friend Faline picked me up and we had a mini roadtrip to Delaware for Firefly Music Festival. The Festival didn't start till Friday, so on Thursday we checked in to our hotel, ordered pizza and layed in bed watching friends. It was super fun. Friday - Sunday we hung out at the festival. I realized that I actually was quite unfamiliar with the line up which was a bit disappointing, but I discovered a few cool bands which was nice! The crowds for the bands were really great, but we also did a lot of lounging in the grass, which was equally as lovely. Two bands I discovered because of Firefly that I am now hooked on are Walk the Moon and GROUPLOVE. Check em out!

July 23rd - July 24th : Alex's Birthday Party/Nursing Orientation

We headed back to Jersey on Monday and I didn't even get a chance to go home! I went straight to Amandas new house in New Brunswick for a birthday party she was throwing for her boyfriend Alex. I seriously had such a good time with Amanda - she's so much fun! I helped her prepare for the party and then her and I joined in the festivities. A lot of drama went down that night, like Amandas friend Nick punching some kid in the face over a Herseys chocolate bar?! Ha ha. Super random. Either way, despite the drama it was a pretty good night. The only downfall was the fact that I didn't fall asleep till past 5:30 am! I then woke up at 7:30am that morning for nursing orientation which I have been soo excited for! We learned about preparation for clinicals junior year, and then we met with advisors to fix our schedules and add nursing classes. Doing that made this whole thing so much more real!

I'm, not over you. (Not so happy things)

Blah, I am feeling kinda lameish today. I sent an e-mail to Fernando, and writing to him just felt so natural. I felt like I was able to say exactly what I wanted and none of my thoughts got confused and it just felt so right. So now I feel like a lame piece of poop. I also realized that I kinda really miss him. As a boyfriend or just a friend, I am not sure. But I do know that him and I had a lot of fun together and even though I got frustrated when he didn't know what to say, I way always able to talk to him about absolutely anything and be completely honest. I miss that.

Hopefully the music festival today will cheer me up.

Dorm inspiration

So since I have been accepted into the Nursing Program (YAY!) I have been getting so incredibly excited about moving in to my dorm room and decorating and being back at school and all that good stuff. Since I have been thinking about it so much, I have been getting all these ideas for my room, and so I decided to take them out of my brain and put them on paper. Here they are:

1. I got this idea from the video of Ho Hey by the Lumineers. Its such a good song and the video is awesome! I want to string lights around my bed, and hang flowers over my desk.

2. I want to do some sort of cool bunting project and I also really want to do something with old maps, so perhaps I'll try bunting with maps? I am not sure yet. Or maybe I'll just cut out letters and make a sign with letters of a map.

3. Ours will most likely not look this fancy, but Ariel and I have mentioned a few time that we want to loft our beds and then put a couch underneath. I really hope we stick to that plan because it would make our room super lovely and cozy! It would be awesome for having friends over and the such.

4. This is just a random picture I found online to illustrate what I mean, but Ariel has a ton of posters that she plans on hanging in our room, and I am so excited for that also. Its going to add so much personality to our room. And I am super excited for the friends poster that we plan on getting!

| Image 1 | Image 2 | Image 3 | Image 4 |

Some random thoughts I have been having

I am doing this as procrastination for packing for Delaware

1. I saw this blog post, and I realized - who cares if I have a belly and jiggily arms and thighs?! All that matters is that I am staying active and, I am eating really nutritious foods. As long as I am healthy - I really shouldn't give a shit about my imperfections because no matter how hard I try, those are not going to go away! My health is whats important and I shouldn't be trying to work out so that I look good for silly boys or for anyone else. I am going to embrace my body. I always tell myself "I'll dress the way I want when I lose some weight". Well guess what. I have been around this weight (give or take a few pounds) since middle school. So I am done waiting. I am going to dress how I want and learn to love the way I look as I am. That being said, I am not going to use this as an excuse to gorge on junkfood and sit on my ass all day. I definitely still want to focus on my health, however I also what to focus on loving myself just as I am.

2. I want to run a FULL marathon, yo.

3. Nestle crackers are soooo yummy.

4. I am just adding nonsense to this list to prolong this procrastination. The real reason for this post was just #1. I though I had more things to say, but apparently I am not that thoughtful today.

5. Its really annoying how my mom literally fucking adores my brother, and she thinks that giving me $100 to go to Delaware is a sufficient replacement for the love that I do not receive. I know that sounds super dramatic because I know my mom loves me, but she's just like ridiculously in love with my brother and gives him all this attention/affection, and then tries to give me $100 because she feels bad that she gives my brother so much. Thanks bro, but you can keep your money. I've got a job and I can pay for my own shit.

6. #5 made me feel like shit, so this list is officially ovaa.

My profound thought of the evening

Do you ever feel like the internet is the loneliest place in the world? Really, if you think about it, it is. For example, right now I am sitting on my bed in my empty room, blogging to no one. Prior to this, I was laying in my bed in my empty room watching a TV show about a bunch of girls who live in the city and are living there lives. Was I living my life while watching the show? No. And yet despite the fact that I was not living at all while watching that show, I got this incredible sense of fulfillment as I watched these girls live there lives. I can't explain it very well, but it makes me feel horrible. I sit here online for hours and for those hours I live through other people. I look at beautiful photos of other peoples lives, I feel their happiness when I look at their two kids and I feel their pain when I read about their divorce (Michelle, you know exactly what I am referring to when I say that. Ha ha), and yet these things do absa-fucking-lutely nothing to better my life. And I find it so frustrating. Last night, rather than to hang out with my friend Maria, I chose to sit home alone and watch Pretty Little Liars and Teen Mom. Seriously? What the major fuck. I know this is a silly rant, but its something I think about all the time and yet I do nothing to change it. Its like I am so hooked. I am not living at all (for those few hours), and yet I am loving it. I love admiring other peoples lives. Well what the heck about my life?! I sit on my fitness pal and read about other peoples weight loss successes. Why am I not creating my own weight loss success?

<end of rant> The point is, its really freaking stupid. And so I decided that for one week, I am not going to watch TV or go online. I don't give a shit how desperate I get. Seriously - what the heck did people do before all this mindless shit existed?! Well - I am going to find out! I am also going to try and use my cellphone as little as possible. Lets be real - in this day and age you simply cannot survive without a cellphone and I'd be spiting myself by giving that up. But I am going to call people rather than text. Who does that anymore?! So yeah, and I suppose I'll blog about it when the week is up. Or maybe I'll just never go on the internet again. Who knows.

However, before my end of internet bonanza begins, I need to finish all the episodes of the HBO tv show Girls. I seriously hate myself. Ha ha (; Also, incase you're wondering, the photos above are from a video my friends and I made for our current issues class about how impersonal social interactions are these days because of the media. You can watch it here.

Whats my major you ask? Oh, I am studying Nursing

I woke up at 10am today, and did as I always do first thing in the morning. I checked my e-mail. And guess what was in my e-mail. MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO RUTGERS NURSING! Yes, thats right, I am now a nursing student, and I am going to back to Rutgers New Brunswick and I am going to live with Ariel! Wow, I am sososo excited. I honestly think a big part of the reason I got in was because of my essay, which my good friend Faline helped me write. I am so proud of that essay, and I think it eloquently explains the 1 major flaw on my application which was a C+ in Chemistry of Life. Heres my essay incase you, or I want to read it 1,000 times over because of how lovely it is:

     It was during my sophomore year after my grandmother’s heart attack that I decided I wanted to be a nurse. A deep passion to help those who are ill and bring some happiness to them was ignited in me. During my senior year I was informed that I was not amongst those whom Rutgers felt were fit to participate in their nursing program. My mom droned on about what an awful idea it would be to go to Rutgers since I did not get accepted into the program, and how I should go to Felician or another school where I would be accepted straight into the program. However, I knew Rutgers was the only place I would truly be happy I decided to take a risk and go to Rutgers anyway.

     My freshman year was such an incredible experience. I took so many new and interesting courses. I learned about the science of society in sociology, about different cultures in anthropology, and about not giving up as I suffered through Chemistry of Life. All of the classes that I took were absolutely fascinating; and as the weeks went on, I grew more interested in the subjects I was learning. There are so many unfair things that go on in this world that I had previously been completely unaware of. However, despite the passion that I developed in every one of the classes I took freshman year, that passion has been nothing compared to the passion I feel in regards to becoming a nurse. My poor friends must listen to me day after day as I fret over whether or not my C+ in Chemistry will affect my chances, and how I should plan my schedule for the fall semester in case I don’t get accepted into the nursing program. So that is the reason I am hoping to transfer schools: because I feel more passionate about becoming a nurse that I have ever felt about anything in my life. It's been almost five years since I realized I want to be a nurse. And five years, two semesters, one C+ later, I still want to, just as bad - if not more.

New Shoes

Today I went to Sports Authority, and I am so excited about what I bought! I have this weird obsession with water bottles (I seriously love water bottles, I don't know why. My water bottle is literally sitting in my lap as I type this), so I bought a pink Nike water bottle. Its super cute, and it doesn't leak which is freaking awesome. AND it has a straw. I really love it. And I also bought a pair of New Balance Minimus running shoes. I am so excited for my run tomorrow in these bad boys! I wanted to try them out as soon as I got home, but after digesting dinner and all that jazz, it was too late. 

Anyways, I included the promo video for the shoes in this post, because I seriously love this video. Its so inspiring and this man is seriously everything I want to be. I love how he talks about stripping running and life down to the bare essentials. I also love the shot at the end of him at the farmers market and then riding off on his bike. Recently when I have been thinking about my life and how I want my life to turn out - that is what I envision. I want to be a real runner, I want to be more environmentally conscious, I want to only shop at farmers markets. It just sounds so simple and perfect and it sounds like a life I would be proud to live. 

That though just kind of inspired me - I have been saving the tips that I make at work to buy new back to school clothes. Maybe, rather than going to the mall and buying new clothes that I will get sick of in a few months, I'll go to thrift stores to buy stuff. Then, I'll be saving money, plus I'll be recycling old clothes which is environmentally friendly. I am gonna have to make a few trips to Williamsburg this summer (on the bus of course!).

Anyone rocking minimalist running shoes these days?

Not So Happy Things

Like I said a while ago, it is so hard for me to maintain a balance on my blogs. Either my blogs end up becoming really negative places that I use simply for venting, or they become these superficially happy places where I don't express my true emotions. Well, since this blog is about me and my happiness, I feel its important to write about the bad stuff too - if we didn't know what it was like to feel like crap, we'd have no understanding of happiness. So yeah, here it is; the not so happy things that I am feeling:

1. I am feeling sooo frustrated with Rutgers. I applied to the nursing program in March. When I applied, the school told me that by the end of June I would have an answer as to whether or not I was accepted. I felt that this would give me a reasonable amount of time to figure out an alternative plan if I didn't get in. Well here we are, on July 6th, and according to the Rutgers transfer website, "no decision has been made". I am just getting so annoyed because all through June I told myself "this isn't so bad, the longest I'll have to wait is X amount of days", because to my understanding there was a deadline I would know by. Well those days have run out, and I still don't know. And its just really really starting to annoy me!

2. At the party I mentioned in my last post, there was this boy (ha ha, me and boys!). I've known him for a while from school and I always thought he was cute, but whatevzzzz. I think lots of people are cute. Well yeah, then at the party we started talking and uggh. Then I started to find him really cute. We went into the basement and drank together (we took a shot of beer because thats all we could find, which I think is really funny), we hung out in the grass together, when I was sitting in this rocky chair he stood behind me and was rocking the chair for me. Ha ha, obviously none of it was a big deal at all. It was just really little things that slowly made me start to feel more attracted to him. Well theeeeen, our other friend kicked everyone out of the basement, and left this boy and another girl in the basement together. Some how everyone wound up re-entering the basement, so said boy and girl left the basement and hooked up on the grass. I know its silly, but it was kind of disappointing. I didn't even want to do anything with him, but it still kinda bothered me. And then the next day he was apart of the group that went to the beach and he looked so tan and his arms looked so muscular. Oh gosh, I get so carried away when I find people attractive. Ha ha. 

3. Fernando freaking Azpiri! My goodness. I really feel that I am pretty much over him. I mean I still have lonely days where I miss him, but for the most part I am in a really good place right now. And its lame because now that I am in this good place, it'd be nice if him and I could be friends. I sent him a text message of a picture that I came across that reminded me of him. Did he answer? No. Does he ever answer? No. And before when I wasn't over him, I would have been really upset and hurt by this. But now I just think hes being stupid. Seriously, c'mon bro, its just a text. Its not a request to shove my tounge down your throat - I think you can respond. 

So yeah, thats about it. I mean if this is what my worries consist of, I think I can confidently say my life is pretty good. But I still think its important to recognize negative emotions and be able to express them. Ya dig? Anything you need to get off your chest? 

Partying in the USA

The past three days have seriously been so incredible, and I feel so grateful to be fortunate enough to have such good experiences! My three-days-of-fun started off on Tuesday. I took the train into New Brunswick where Faline picked me up. We picked up Ariel, drove to Faline's, ate Wawa sandwiches, watched United States of Tara, enjoyed a few cocktails and had a sleepover. On Wednesday we woke up and headed over to out friend Kitty's house for her 4th of July BBQ. It was so incredible to see everyone from school! We played a bunch of games, went slipping and sliding, had lots of conversations, drank way too much, ate lots of food, and stayed up way too late. It was seriously the perfect 4th of July. Then on Thursday (today) we all magically woke up at 6:30 a.fucking.m. after going to be at like 2 or 3 or maybe it was 4? Either way, we woke up way too early. We ate some breakfast and then headed to the beach. The water was lovely and the company was lovely and the sun was just, well, lovely! After the beach, we headed to this ice cream shop that our friend John recommended, and thats how we ended our three-days-of fun. It was such a great three days and I am sososo happy. Since I was so busy having a good time, I didn't really take any pictures. Often, I feel like its more important to enjoy the experience than try and capture it. But here are the few pictures I did take:

Fireworks - little explosions in the sky

So I wasn't planning on doing another blog post until this weekend probably (after my stay in New Brunswick and the 4th of July party I am going to!!!!!), but then yesterday my friends and I went to see the fireworks that happen in the town next to us every year. As I was waiting outside for my friends, I decided to try and take some outfit shots using my stepdad's car as a makeshift tripod. And well, I liked the way the pictures came out and I know I'd never post them if I waited. Anyways, going to the fireworks with my friends was so nice - it was like a little outing for the girls. I really enjoyed seeing everyone. After the fireworks we went to Applebee's for half apps, and we saw so many people from our town which I hated. But hey, it was a pretty nice night! 

shirt - the gap | shorts - the gap | jacket - urban outfitters | sandals - target | purse - mexico | watch - macys | necklace - macys | earrings - A.E.

Wish list (Part I)

The reason that this is wish list part I is because I am sure that tomorrow or the next day I will see something new that I want. So this is just one of (I am sure) many wish lists to come. Except for the fact that I plan on saving my money, or doing the appropriate activities to make these wishes come true! 

1. Madewell is seriously one of the most lovely stores ever! I would love to start shopping there more! It's just that their clothes are not really in my price range. However, I have been saving the tips that I make at work, so I totally plan on going on a shopping spree when their fall clothes come out.

2. This cover for a MacBook is so cute!

3. I have mentioned multiple times on here that I am longing for a new camera, and this is the bad boy I want. A science teacher from high school recommended it. Also, my best friend Michelle has it, and a quick scroll through her blog will show what lovely photos this camera takes.

4. I have been wanting a cruiser bike for so long! My grandma thinks its stilly that I still want a cruiser now that I have a car, but I think it would be nice to have a bike to ride locally. Plus, I want to bring it to school with me!

5. This is a silly thing to put on a wish list, but it's my wish list so I will put whatever the heck I want. And I want abs! Not like crazy jacked out of my mind abs, just like, I am super fit and healthy and have a hot body kinda abs.

6. I want a thigh tattoo soooo badly, and I want my tattoo to be of the cover of The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. I plan on going to the tattoo place in the next week or two to discuss the design, and then getting the tattoo done in the end of August (after doing about a billion lunges and squats).

7. That picture is of me right after I finished the Philly Half Marathon. After the race, my thighs felt like they were on fire because of how freaking tired they were, but it was the most incredible feeling in the whole world! No other race has made me feel that incredible, and I am dying to get that feeling back! So, I want to run another Half Marathon and get that burn back in my muscles and that passion back in my heart.

*Unfortunately I do not have any source of credit for pictures #5 and #6, but if you know the source of those pictures, I'd love if you shared that knowledge with me. Both of those pictures are quite lovely, and I would really like to credit their rightful owners!*

So tell me, what are you lusting after these days?