Saturday, December 29, 2012

The Hairs on My Head

I have noticed that since I have had short hair (I cut my hair in April) I have taken A LOT less pictures of myself. And I think the problem is that I am still pretty insecure with my hair. I mean, I think having short hair has been an awesome experience, don't get me wrong. However, I am ready to have longer hair, and more to work with.

Since I have cut my hair, I have really learned a lot about managing curls, such as how to use a diffuser and the fact that sulfates are horrible for curly hair. Right now I am trying an all-natural approach with my hair - washing with a baking soda mixture and conditioning with a apple cider vinegar mixture. I am really liking it so far. Since my hair is so fine, before when I would wash my hair, my hair would be super limp. I am pretty sure it has to do with the fact that sulfates strip hair of oils and the such - something my fine hair needs in order to have volume, But now that I am using baking soda, I don't have to worry about that. I can even go PRODUCT FREE! Yup, thats right. Today, all I put was one tinnnnnnnnny drop of leave in conditioner on my bangs, and that was all. Pretty exciting stuff!
But since I am growing my hair out, my hair is in a super duper funk. I have layers all over, a mullet in the back, and who knows what else is going on that the mirror hides from me! This has kinda put me in a hair funk, and made me not what to do much to my hair while I wait for it to grow out. So its like all of this lovely hair knowledge I have acquired is waiting to really be put to good use. Kind of a little frustrating. In the mean time, I will lust over Hannah McKay's hair (her real name is Yvonne Strahovski, and I think her hair is the perfect length).

Friday, December 7, 2012

My Guide to Getting Over Funks

 So this guide is obviously for me more than anything else. I have been in such a good place lately, and I am hoping that this list of reminders will help me in the future if I happen to hit a funky phase. And if this happens to help/inspire someone else, well that's cool too!

1) If there is something that you want to do, then do it. And start small so that you can keep doing it. For me, this has been running. For the past year I have been telling myself that I want to run more. I started off huge by running a half marathon. This was incredible, but also really unrealistic for someone who is not used to running consistently. I ran my half marathon, and then stopped. I'd run sometimes, but always made promises to myself that I would run more. Recently however, I have taken a new approach to running more. Rather than running more miles, I have been running more consistently. 1 mile a day. That's it. It literally takes me 10 minutes (yesterday it took me 9 minutes and 27 seconds, which was AWESOME!). The consistency and happiness that I feel running everyday is way better than running 3 miles one day, and then not running again for another two weeks. I obviously plan to up my mileage, but for now, I love and look forward to my runs everyday. That's something I haven't been able to say in a long time.
2) Make time for something that you love, and do it often. Thanks to my friend Max, rock climbing has been it. I love rock climbing. Its fun, its social, its a good workout, I have met a bunch of new friends through it, and I can go at night which makes it a perfect end-of-the-day stress reliever. And since I love rock climbing so much, I make it a point to get my work done early so that I can go. I think its really important to find something that you love, and I have found it.
3) Be grateful and genuine and kind. This one kind of speaks for its self. Being kind and genuine to others, and letting others know how important they are is really important. And having solid friends is really important, so when you find your solid friends, its important to constantly let them know how special they are. Also, giving genuine thanks and genuine compliments is so beautiful. And it feels to nice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
4) Make time for work. Love it. Have fun with it. And don't complain about it. This is one that I am working on. Complaining is one of my favorite things to do. Especially when it comes to anatomy. But I am trying to look forward to doing my anatomy work, and really enjoy the challenge. Anatomy is my brick wall - but I really want to be a nurse and I know I will overcome this. Even if I have to shed (more than) a few tears a long the way. I refuse to settle for just being "a lab tech". Fuck that.
5) Its all about your frame of mind. And changing your frame of mind is a lot easier than it seems. I hate the cold. But when I go outside and its cold out, if I tell myself "I love the cold - it makes me feel so alive", then I have a new appreciation for the cold, and its not so bad anymore. This goes for a lot of things "I love studying all of the origins, insertions and actions of muscles - it will make me understand workouts a lot more", "I am excited about talking to someone for 10 minutes about their health and then transcribing it word for word. It will be interesting and rewarding". These are all lies, but if I tell myself these things enough times, they start to become true.
6) Be amazed. Sometimes, reality just hits me. I'll be talking to someone, totally engrossed in conversation, and I will just sort of realize that this is my life - I am living it and I am taking charge and it is amazing and I am so fucking fortunate and grateful and happy.
7) Get excited! I probably say "I am so excited" like 30+ times a day now. I am excited to get my class over with. I am excited to bake cinnamon toast crunch muffins. I am excited to run today. I am excited to use that new bar of soap I just bought. I am excited to sit in Faline's room and enjoy her company while she does homework. I am excited for quessadilla night at Brower. I am excited to drink mint hot chocolate later. You don't have to get excited about huge things. Getting excited about small things is even better than getting excited about huge things. Because small things happen on a second by second basis. Huge things are rare. And so its important to be able to appreciate even the smallest of things like a shower and a new bar of soap.
8) Let yourself feel negative things. Don't try and just push them into a corner or bury them. On Tuesday I was so stressed and burnt out and overwhelmed. And I let myself feel that way. There is nothing wrong with feeling crummy sometimes. It happens. It its important to let it happen.
9) Look forward to the future, but also enjoy the present. This is another thing I am really trying to work at. I am always thinking "I can't wait till my hair gets longer" "I can't wait till clinicals start junior year" "I can't wait until I can move back to Brooklyn and have my own beautiful apartment". And these thoughs are all important - you need to have long term goals that drive you to keep doing what you're doing and some sort of future that gives you a purpose. But its also important to enjoy today. So then I remind myself "But I am going to love my short hair while I have it" and "Next year I won't have classes with Max, so I am going to love this year and all of the time we spend together" and "I love living in New Brunswick and with Ariel and a building away from Faline". And so I love where I am at right now, but I also love where I am headed.

I probably could keep going, but I am going to end here. Hopefully this inspires someone else as well, but more important, hopefully this helps me on a day that isn't as lovely as today.

On another note, I love and miss my grandma. And I think that's important as well.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Not so happy things

Dear Grandma,

I really wish you were here right now. So many frustrating things are going on right now, and I know if you were here to talk to about them, you would totally agree with me. I am going to make a list of all of  the things bothering me right now, and just know that you'd feel the same way.

1) Mom is seriously getting on my nerves. I am away from school for weeks at a time, and then when I come home she is just such a jerk. While I am at school, I always miss her so much, but then when I come home she makes no effort to spend time with me, and shes a jerk when we do talk. Today I was looking for my cellphone in her car, and I noticed she had a lot of new nail polishes in her glove compartment. I commented on it to her, and she freaked out and said something to the effect of how she hates when I am home because she always feels so tense when I am around. And before that, when we were at the pizzaria she made a comment about how her Tom and Thomas are so set in their ways and whenever I come home I disrupt it. It makes me feel so shitty when she says things like that, and it makes me feel like theres not even a point in coming home. I wish you were here because I know you'd agree, and you'd say something to her.
2) Mom is like freaking about about this gas thing going on, and she doesn't want to drive anywhere, but then she sees that target has some stupid game that Thomas wants, and now she's driving there to get it. So dumb.
3) This whole hurricane jazz and people being so displaced has me kinda feeling down. Everyone just lost so much and I feel so bad about it. Tomorrow I am going to volunteer at the high school and when I get back to school I am going to volunteer as much as I can. I guess thats all I can do, but I still feel bad and wish I could do more. And I am probably being dumb, but I just feel a little bit bothered because it feels like the people not affected by the hurricane are going on with their lives as if its no big deal (maybe thats me just being to critical, but thats how it feels). For example, my friends are planning to have a party tomorrow night. How can you have a party and have a good time, when so many people just lost everything?! I understand that you can't stop living and having a good time because of things like this, but I just feel that right now people priorities should be helping out those that need it - not getting drunk on a Saturday night. And feeling this way makes me feel like I am too soft to be a nurse. Not to put myself on a pedestal or act like I am so kind/compassionate, but I just feel so much sometimes, and seeing sad things makes me really sad. So I don't know how I am going to be able to see sad things at work everyday, and then go on to live a normal, happy life outside of work. Its a little concerning.

Well, this list turned into more of a vent, but I know that you'd have no problem listening to this vent and so it kinda sucks that you're not here to do that. I hope where ever you are, its freaking awesome.

I love you so much old lady,
Jessie Pooh

Monday, October 29, 2012

Figuring Some Shit Out.

Wow, I haven't written on here in quite a while. Recently however, I have been doing a lot of thinking (eh, when do I not do a lot of thinking?). I have just been seeing such a direct correlation with events in peoples past, and the person that they are now. I mean, its quite obvious, but I think its something that I just accepted as true and never fully understood until I saw it for myself. I first started realizing it when I pieced together that the reason I am so scared (terrified) of people in masks is because when I was little, my dad used to punish me by wearing a really scary mask. That fear has stuck with me. The next event that made me see it was my friend Faline. She was talking about how when she was younger, her sister dared her to shave off part of her eyebrows. To this day, she is incredibly paranoid about going to get her eyebrows waxed because of the fear of losing her eyebrow again. The third event that made me see it is something that happened to me in 6th grade, and requires a bit of story telling.

Up until High School, I lived in Brooklyn. The way that the schools in New York City work is that you can go to any school in NYC you want to. You just have to apply to the school, and get accepted. This means that every time you go to a new school, you are with lots and lots of new people. So naturally just like all of the other 5th graders in New York, I applied of a few middle schools, and picked which I wanted to go to. I don't remember that much about 6th grade at all, but theres one event that really sticks out to me. In 6th grade, I became friends with a few girls. They created this club called the "Banana Club" (I know, so cool!). And in order to get into the club, you needed to go to the library with them, and sing the banana song. The club was legit - badges and everything! So some how, I was deemed cool enough to be in the club. I had a badge, and I would sometimes hang out with my new friends after school. I felt so lucky to have met such cool new friends. Then one day, they just stopped talking to me. I had no idea why, and I was pretty upset because these were my new friends and I wanted them to like me! One day in class, I wrote one of the girls a note asking if I had done something wrong. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went, I just remember her saying that they didn't want to be friends with me any more, and that I needed to hand in my "badge". I asked if I had done anything wrong to cause them to not want to be my friends anymore, and I am pretty sure her answer was no. Basically, they just decided they didn't like me anymore, and wouldn't even talk to me! In a sense, it was a mild form of bullying. Well, lets just say that I was heart broken. I went home and cried to my mom, and my mom got really upset. And thats pretty much how this story ends. After a while I became friends with all of the girls who didn't like me, and everything was right in the world.

However, going to college has made me learn a few things about myself. I am insanely paranoid that people don't like me. If someone doesn't answer a text message of mine or if someone assumes I am busy and doesn't invite me somewhere, I get so nervous that they actually don't want to be friends with me. I don't care as much with people that I am not friends with, but when it comes to my friends, I get so incredibly scared that they are going to wake up and decide they don't want to be friends with me anymore. And it makes a lot of sense that it would have to do with my experience in 6th grade. The fear also doesn't exist regarding old friends. For example, my best friend Michelle. I know we are best friends, and nothing would cause my to question that friendship. Its just new friendships that I get incredibly paranoid and self conscious over. I feel like this fear holds me back from making new friends. I assume that people won't like me or find me interesting, so I put minimal to no effort in developing new friendships. I leave it all up to the other person.

Another thing is (this is something that I have mentioned on here before), I feel like I still do not have a strong concept of who I am. And I don't want to put all of the blame on these silly little 6th grade girls, but it would make sense that the reason I don't know who I am stems from that event. Because I am so paranoid about people not liking me, I guess I try and seem "likable". But in trying to hard to be someone that other people like, I have completely missed out on figuring out myself and what I like. Well not completely, but some what. I am working on figuring it out little by little.

Well, thats my story. A short history on why I am the way that I am. Hopefully this discovery will help me overcome this problem, and allow me to be more open and therefore develop stronger, new relationships. We'll see.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

You've got an angel on your shoulder

Who ever decided on having Passion Pit and Matt and Kim play a show together is seriously going to heaven. They can kill all the people they want, pee on every street corner and eat McDonalds every day for the rest of their life - there is no doubt that they have been given the golden ticket into heaven. This makes me so happy. This is seriously what I need right now. BRB - gotta go cry because I am so happy about this!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

"I'm freezing my ass of, yo" - Thomas

I just finished all my exams! The weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders is incredible. I didn't honestly think that nursing was going to be this bad (its really not - just this week sucked). But 5 exams in a week?! Plus all of the stuff that has been going on with my grandma. I had to put a lot of shit on the back burner this week. I had one or two break downs, but over all I am really happy with how I handled everything. I pretty much just ate, got enough sleep to function properly, studied, and socialzed enough to not feel absolutely alone. But whatevzz. Its over. And I am fucking excited!
*2 days later* 
I started writing this post in Anatomy lab, and never got around to finishing it. I also took that picture in Anatomy lab and let me just say - its really hard to get a good picture in class without looking like a total weirdo. Hence the bad angle and awkward expression. But anyways, my exams are over! The end-of-exams-celebration wasn't as lovely as I had hoped, but the idea of it is what got me through the week, and I guess thats what matters? Also, can we just quickly talk about the fact that I should just run of the next week straight, because I am gaining some serious lbs? But I am going to work on it, now that I have some time to breathe and get my priorities straight. 

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Exams, Exams, Exams!

* Monday - Anatomy Exam
* Tuesday - Human Interactive Processes Exam
* Wednesday - Life Span Exam
* Thursday - Anatomy Lab Exam

I have so much shit going on right now. Its so bad that today I texted Ariel saying "Want to get lunch after your exam?" when I really meant to say "After your class". Ariel knew right away - she was like "You know I am not taking an exam right now, you just have exams on your mind". I really just want to crawl into a hole and eat cookie dough. Why do my professors hate me? Also, why am I a nursing major? I am so grateful that Max is going through this with me though. I would cry if I had to go through this alone and no one understood how overwhelmed and overworked I was. Thank goodness for that boy. Also, thank goodness that this will all be over on Thursday. Some serious celebrating is in order. And then Friday is my moms birthday. Woo-hoo! Anyways, gotta get back to learning about melanocytes and keratin and keratinocytes. Omg. I just decided that next week I am going to get myself a Brown Derby from the bakery that say "Exams Are Over!". Ha ha. That makes me so happy. I have such an unhealthy relationship with food. Kbye.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Going with the flow

I had such lofty plans for this weekend. Well, my weekend didn't really go according to plan. I didn't go see Childish Gambino on Thursday because I had to study for my Nutrition exam. On Friday, the mud run was A LOT tougher than I expected, and I wound up having to walk a good portion of it. Also, the two boys that I did the race with were kinda poor friends and ran ahead of me since they were faster than me. That was disappointing because I was looking forward to having a sort of "team" to run the race with. Seeing Brian on Saturday was disappointing to say the least and I really didn't even have that much fun at the Global Festival.
Despite the fact that this weekend clearly didn't go according to plan, I am not letting myself dwell on the negative. I got to study for my Nutrition exam and I learned a lot, and I felt pretty good about the exam when I took it. The mud run cause me to push myself and challenge myself in a way that running hasn't done for me in a long time. After the mud run on Friday my friends and I got dinner, hung out, and made a late night run to get pizza which was incredibly fun. Though the Global Festival with Brian  didn't really go the way I was hoping, that night I went home and saw my wonderful family, which was so nice.
And so yeah. I am just beginning to realize that even though shitty, disappointing things might happen, it really is all about perspective. I could have been all annoyed then entire weekend, but instead, I chose to acknowledge the fact that I was disappointed quite a bit, and then move on. This is something new for me, and while I am still working on it, its a lot nicer than getting all disgruntled because things didn't go my way.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Things I love about running

1. Being outdoors (treadmills are not my thing)
2. It makes me incredibly grateful for my legs and feet, and I am constantly amazed by how far these two body parts can take me
3. Sweating out toxins
4. Taking off my shoes when I get back
5. How quiet all my thoughts are when I stretch after a run
6. Running makes me feel more beautiful than makeup or clothes ever possibly could
7. Anyone can run, and its not something you can be good or bad at. Its something you just do
8. Running through cramps and running up hills makes me feel like I can pretty much do anything.
Uhm, I could go on and on, but I'll leave it at this. Perhaps I'll continue this post another day.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Life I Want to Live

A lot of the time, I feel like there are things I want to change about myself. I mean, overall, I am happy with myself as a person, but I know there are a lot of things I could improve upon. On March 10, 2012, I made a list called The Life I Want To Live. Every time I look back on this list, I get so inspired. This list completely encompasses the person I would like to be. Here it is:

1. I want to be really fucking happy all on my own, and when I am unhappy, I want to recognize that it is okay and normal to feel that way.
2. I want to take good care of my body. I want to put really good things into my body, and I want to sweat out all of the toxins in my body and I want to make my body lean and strong.
3. I want to be more mindful. There are so many ways I want to so this. I want to be more mindful of my thoughts, my actions, my words, my time etc.
4. I want to wake up early. I love mornings.
5. I want to meditate, every morning.
6. I want to take more risks.
7. I want to be more honest and straight forward.
8. I want to have a fresh fashion sense and I want to always be well dressed.
9. I want to give back more.
10. I really want to find pleasure in the simplest of things and never take a single moment or person or possession for granted.
11. I want to dedicated my time to getting really fucking good at something.
12. I want to be more passionate about things and be really well informed and have strong opinions.
13. I want to be more organized and on top of my shit.

I am curently working on getting up earlier (although today I slept through my 8am alarm clock and woke up at 9:30), and I am planning on adding meditation to that morning routine. Also, I have definitely become a lot more organized. There are still a few parts of my life that need organizing, like the pictures on my computer and a few stray papers for classes. However for the most part, my life is way more organized than it used to be. I supposed I will just have to work on these things one at a time. These changes aren't going to happen over night.

Also, I know that picture is randomly put in there, but I feel like this picture sums up the person I want to be. Thats my beautiful friend Max, relaxing after a long hike (I was there too; I took the picture), enjoying the simple things, taking risks, looking lovely ...

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Don't take me tounge tied

  • Sometimes my smile comes out a little bit crooked. But I think its really cute. Gotta love little flaws like that. They're what makes us human.
  • I was planning on waking up at 8am today, so that I could get an early start to my day - I didn't get up till 11:30.
  • I am starting to really like wearing bandana head bands. I just did this because my hair was being a bitch today, but it is too short to completely put up. 
  • I have a lot of homework to do today, and its kinda making me a little bit stressed.
  • (It feels like) All of my friends at school have boys in their lives. This makes me feel like I want a boy, but I am actually incredibly happy being a single lady.
  • This blog post was inspired by Maggie at Lifesize Paperdoll . I love her blog. 
  • I can't wait to go home this coming weekend and see my little broski!
  • I am obsessed with checking my e-mail.
  • On November 7th, it will be ONE YEAR since I deleted my facebook!
  • 94% of the time I am awful with words. I stumble and trip over them, and I end up finishing my sentences with "you know what I am trying to say". Its totally fine when it happens with my friends and people that know me well, but not so fine when it happens with strangers or people that I am just getting to know.
I hope you're having a wonderful Sunday. Any randomness you'd like to share with me? 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Trying to get with the times

A lot of the time, I just feel so freaking out of the loop! My friends are constantly talking about books/tv shows/movies/bands/actors/current events that I am just not up to date with! I am just not with it when it comes to pop culture. But thats the thing - it'd be cool if I knew a lot about what was popular back in the day or something. But a lot of the time, I just feel like I don't know anything about anything. And so in an effort to become more "with it", I thought maybe it would be cool to start doing reviews on my blog. Reviews of anything pretty much - products, food, things in the media etc. But since I don't even know what sorts of things are popular these days (I live under a rock), I was thinking that people who read my blog can leave comments, suggesting things I should expose myself to. Then I will review them, and it will be awesome!

Another way that this will seriously benefit me is because I am awful at forming opinions. I am the kind of person who can see both sides of pretty much everything, and its so hard for me to come to a final verdict. But doing reviews will force me to pick a side, and hopefully with time I will become better at feeling confident in my opinions.

I am thinking that the first review I will do will be of the HBO show Girls. But please, please leave suggestions! If you don't feel like wasting your time watching a crappy movie, suggest it to me, and I'll letcha know if its worth your time or not!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Blogging Besties Swap

A month or so ago, I signed up for a swap through the blog Why Girls are Weird, where bloggers get matched up by interests and send each other goodies. My match was Lauren of the blog Shooting Stars Mag. Her blog is seriously awesome - she does lots of reviews of movies and books, along with gift guides and lots of other awesome posts. Heres what this lovely lady sent me!

1. How Should A Person Be by Sheila Heti
2. Soft Lips chapstick
3. Headbands for running
4. Toe separators 
5. Notepad
5. Mouse bad (with a special section for lists!)
6. The Fray album
7. Vinyl picture frame

 I have already gotten so much good use out of everything. Lauren knew about my love of list making, and I have used the pad that she got me so many times. The vinyl frame is on my desk (and looks lovely) the chapstick has been perfect for my dry lips, and I have already started the book she sent me (which was so incredibly thoughtful). Thank you Lauren! 

Monday, September 3, 2012


I was browsing the interweb as I usually do, when I saw this beautiful woman and her beautiful hair on this photographers website.
Ugh. And then I got inspired. I love her short bangs. They are so freaking cute. So maybe I want to get short bangs after my hair grows out? Cutting all of my hair off was such an awesome experience and when I was happy with the way it looked, it was even awesomer. So I feel more confident taking risks with my hair. We'll see. But for now I just wanted to save these photos here as a little snipet of inspiration. Ugh, and can we talk about how beautiful her and her husband are?
Such inspiring photography. Couple shoots are my favorite to look at!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

DIY galaxy backpack

One day I was browsing online at Urban Outfitters website, and I saw the backpack on the left. I thought to myself, oh my goodness, that backpack is so cute! I want it! Except as with most feelings I get, I did not act on it. I did not purchase the backpack because I figured it would be there forever. Last night I went online, finally ready to buy the bag, and it was GONE! I looked online everywhere for it. But I could not find it. I was so disappointed! Thats when I came across this wonderful DIY. I didn't follow her dirrections exactly, but seeing this gave me the confidence to create my own bag. And I am pretty freaking happy with the result. Anyways, on to the DIY!

So first, gather your materials. I used the acrylic paints that I had (red, yellow, blue, orange, white and silver), a brush and a backpack of course!

 Next, just start spreading the color all over the bag. I tried to keep my brush dry (as in I didn't put too much paint on it) so that the colors were a bit muted. I also mixed white into the colors as I worked, so that the colors looked a bit washed out. I did all of this with my paintbrush (in the tutorial, the girl uses a sponge, but I didn't have one)
 I then flipped the back over and painted the straps, the same way.
 After I was happy with the way all of that looked, I took a bigger brush with stiffer bristles, and put silver paint on the tip. I pulled the bristles back and let them go, to flick the paint onto the bag (to look like stars)
 Annnnd, here is the finished product!
I think its looks pretty cool. I am scared one of my friends is going to be like "Whats your bag supposed to be?!", but oh wells. I know, and I am happy with it, so I guess thats what counts.

Anyone else got any cool back-to-school DIYs?

Friday, August 31, 2012

Health Goals

This summer I did a lot of thinking about health and how I feel about it, but I didn't do much to actually keep on top of my heath. However, armed with my new knowledge and opinions on how I would like to deal with my health, I am ready to make some changes and take some action this fall. These are my goals:

1. Commit to some form of cardio, three times a week. This is not for weight loss (because weight loss is not the goal). This is to sweat out the toxins, to have more energy, to have an excuse to be outdoors, to relieve stress. There are a ton of reasons why this should be done - weight loss is not one of them.
2. Take vitamins, daily. Since I do not eat meat most of the time, I do not get a lot of vitamin b12, and vitamin b12 gives you energy. But also, I think it is just important to make sure my body is getting all  of the necessary vitamins - not just b12.
3. Go to bed early, and wake up early. The morning is my favorite part of the day, I am usually just too tired to wake up early and enjoy mornings. Its going to be hard to go to bed early and wake up early - especially in college. But I did it last semester, so I know I can do it again. Not to mention, working out in the morning is da bombbb.
4. Sunday morning long runs. Theres never anything going on at Rutgers during weekends in the morning, so there is literally no reason why this shouldn't happen. Plus, I wait to train for the Philly Half Marathon again, and possibly a Full Marathon some time in January, so long runs are going to have to become apart of my routine.
5. Join the Triathlon team. This is pretty self explanitory. I will meet people with the same goals, and stay motivated.
6. Meditate. Ugh, how I wish I was really into meditating. It seems so relaxing and wonderful. I will try and commit 5 minutes every morning, after breakfast to meditating.
7. Eat a big breakfast. I notice when I eat a big, nutritious breakfast, I am less likely to get really hungry/get cravings for unhealthy foods through out the day.

Do you have any goals this fall?

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Thanks Bro, No problem Sis

Hanging out with this little guy is one of my favorite things to do! Today we bough best friend cacti, had lunch at Asian Grill, finished his entire summer book report and got froyo from Swirls. It was so lovely. I am so lucky to have such an awesome younger brother. I seriously love hanging out with this kid.

If this is real life, then somebody will bring me a sweater!

Ugh, so this past weekend was just ridiculous. I am not even going to talk about it in detail here, I am just going to say it was literally unbelievable. I remember texting my friend Megan saying how it was okay, because I was with a really safe group of people, and I stand by that 100%. Everyone was so incredible and nice and not judgmental at all, and we had such a blast. Saturday was dinner and chillin' at Kitty's house, and Sunday was the beach and Surf Taco for lunch.
These pictures are so disgusting, but they hold so many great memories. And I just cannot get over how nice everyone was - listening to all my rants, bringing me a billion glasses of water (John commenting on how Ariel and I are the most hydrated people on the plant) Ryan for finding me something similar to a sweater, and Ariel for not judging my grossness. Ha ha.
This picture is not gross at all. In fact its kind of wonderful. And those two girls are kind of wonderful.

Monday, August 27, 2012

To Live Doesn't Mean You're Alive

I suppose all of my posts on this blog are personal, but this one is a bit more personal. I considered simply writing about it in my journal, but I think this might be something that others could benefit from so well, so I will leave it here for random strangers to come across. Here it is:

This weekend, I had a very scary experience. Basically I felt like life was not real. It felt like everything was simply  projection of my imagination, and it felt like people were not actually people and life was all a sort of dream I guess. But it didn't feel like it was a dream I could wake up from, if that makes sense. It just felt like life was fake, and it had always been fake, yet it was something I could not control. Its kind of difficult to explain. Anyways, that sort of anxiety attack (induced by other things) happened on Saturday, so it has been two days. But since then, I have been thinking about it a lot. There are times I am just sitting around thinking to myself holy shit, what if I was right. But that only happens when I am just sitting around with nothing to do.

The whole thing just made me realize that I need to do more things that make me feel alive. Do you ever just do things that make you feel like man, this is life, and I am alive, and thats a wonderful thing? Today I was painting a notebook, and I got that feeling. My mind was totally clear, yet I was so incredibly focused. And I just felt alive. Another thing that makes me feel quite alive is running. I miss running so much, yet I just cannot bring myself to do it. Hanging out with my friends and laughing is something else that makes me feel quite alive, but I think that makes everyone feel alive! Ha ha.

Anyway, I am taking this weekend as a wake up call. I spend far too much time in these sort of fantasy worlds where everything is great and dandy. I live in this little bubble. But I need to really start interacting with the world around me, and doing more things that give me this feeling of being alive.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Letcha bones show

It took a few tries, but I ended up being really happy with my outfit for today. Off to the city to see Charlene Kaye, with a massive headache. Hopefully some music and a nice cool bus ride will make this shiz go away! Also, totally loving my sandals from Madewell! 

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Girls, just want to have fun

These pictures suck because they were taken from my webcam, but whatevz. I just have to say, playing dress up when no one is home is pretty much the funnest thing ever. Except for the fact that now I have a ton of clothes to put away. 
I realized that I really love wearing things that make me feel really good. And I also realize that different outfits make me feel ready for different things. Its hard to explain. In some of these outfits I felt incredibly sexy, and in others I felt ready to walk through the city. I usually just stick to the basics; a v-neck and some form of denim. But fooling around with other things and changing it up was really fun. 

Also, even though she doesn't read this, Happy Birthday Megan!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Hello, how are you? Like your shoes, love your hair.

I have not been able to put this much of my hair back since I cut all my hair off in April! As much as I love having short hair, its really nice to just pull my hair back, throw on a white tee and some red lipgloss and call it a day. Unfortunately, putting my hair up takes a lot more time and effort then it used to because of how short some of my layers are. But its totally worth the effort.

I kind of took a mini, un intentional break from blogging, because I was feeling all of these crappy negative things. I started keeping a journal to write down all of the crappiness I feel. I want to really make sure this blog stays positive. But I am back to feeling normal again, and so I am ready to post lots of happy things! 

Anyway, gotta run to work, but I'll be back with more happiness later! 

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I fell in love with the girl at the rock show

The title of this post has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Its just the song that is playing right now. I don't feel like writing too much, so I am going to keep this short. My bestfrand Michelle stayed over my house a few days ago. We did lots of lovely things, including this photo shoot. All of these pictures were taken by Michelle. They're so creepy, but super awesome. We did another shoot that I'll post as soon as Michelle finishes editing the pictures and puts them up on her blog

Also, you can't really see my outfit, but incase anyone is wondering: Dress - Urban Outfitters | Flats - Urban Outfitters

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Learning about myself

Last week when I was in Brooklyn I was doing some thinking, and I realized that I really have no idea who I am. I am not really sure what I like or what I like to do or what I like to eat. I don't know what it is. I seriously don't have a favorite anything. I don't have a favorite food, book, movie, band, store, shirt ... Its kind of frustrating. I am 19 years old, and whenever I am asked what I like to do, I always recite the generic "hangout with friends, read, go online, run ... " its never like theres any real conversation starters or anything that really defines me, ya know? So I am on this sort of mission to discover who I am and what I like. Its kind of hard though. Its tough to be honest with myself when I am always worrying about what others think. For example, today in Sephora a girl showed me this really red lip stain that I really liked. I felt comfortable wearing it in Sephora, but once I left the store I felt a little odd. When my brother said I looked like a clown I started to feel really self conscious. And I almost died when I saw Fernando (thankfully he didn't see me). Perhaps thats why I have no idea who I am - I let other peoples opinions heavily influence the decisions I make and as a result I am a person that I think other people would approve of. Does that make sense? The frustrating thing is that I don't really approve of this person that I am. And isn't that whats most important?

Well anyways, I decided to start this journey of finding myself by first making a list of things that I actually do know about myself:

1. I hate charging my cellphone. I have no idea why, I just really hate doing it.
2. Running is my ultimate form of therapy. Most of the time however, I am too lazy to go for a run, which leaves me feeling like poop.
3. I love making lists. I find them so soothing and relaxing. I make lists about everything.
4. I also find writing incredibly therapeutic. I am awful at talking 98% of the time because my mouth is 10x faster then my brain and so my thoughts get really jumbled when I try and speak. But everything goes at the perfect pace and is so much clearer when I write. 
5. I believe that coming home to a clean room is such an incredible feeling. Just everything about a clean room is nice. When my room is messy, everything else in my life starts to suffer including my hygiene, my eating, the way I dress. Its quite odd how the cleanliness of my room is directly correlated to how I act. 
6. I am an awful speller. I just used spell check to help me correct the spelling of 6 different words in the number above this one. 
7. I suck a finishing things. I lack the drive and the passion to see a project from start to finish.
8. I have trouble doing nothing for long periods of time. Eventually I begin to feel really antsy. I often feel like I am just wasting my life when I do nothing.
9. My friends are incredibly important to me. It takes a lot for me to get close to people, and so when I let people in to see the true me, I hold them very near and dear to my heart. Which is why I find it incredibly painful when I feel like I am beginning to lose a friend. 
10. I have this weird obsession with checking my e-mail. I think its because I don't have a facebook.

Well, thats all for now. I'll keep you, and myself, updated on this odd and confusing journey. 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Inspiring ideas

Dear Picture Taking, Art Making, Awesomeness Creating Friends,

I never know where to begin when explaining large amounts of information to people, so hopefully this isn't too all-over-the-place. So I was at work today and I was trying to think of something that I could do that would would keep me really busy in order to prevent me from consuming 5,000 calories (for those of you who don't know, I work at a bakery). Well a little bit of thinking led to this idea and project that I am about to tell you about and ask for your help with.

Before I even tell you the project and idea though, here is a warning: I get lots of ideas and start lots of projects that usually go no where - I am really awesome at starting things but I suck at finishing them. I really hope this project is different and I hope this turns into something incredible that will affect and help lots of people. But just a heads up, this might fall flat because I might get too busy/lazy to finish it. 

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, here is my idea (its kind of a big idea with lots of parts, so bare with me). I want to create a shop on etsy and sell some things. For right now, I am thinking of just sticking to post cards and stationary, but I am hoping to eventually expand my shop and sell a bunch of things created by my awesome and talented friends. As of now, here are the goals of this project:
1) To keep the written word and physical pieces of art alive. Today, everything is on the computer. But having a piece of art or a letter to hold is so much more satisfying.
2) To make people happy - who doesn't get happy when they get mail from friends or when they look at something thats really awesome and pretty and hand made?
3) All profits of the sales from my shop would go to feeding local families. Right now I am thinking of just saving the profits for a month or so, and then either donating all profits to a food pantry, or trying to find a local struggling family to support for a month. I really want this to be super personal, so I am hoping that we will be able to support a family, but if not, the food pantry feeds local families as well. Either way, we would be helping those who need it. 
4) Heres where you come in! I seriously have so many incredible and talented friends (yes, you!) You guys are awesome at drawing and photography and jewelry making and tree making and tee shirt making. You guys are all just incredible creative. So, I want this project to spread the work of young, talented artists by including your drawings and photographs on the back of the post cards that will be for sale. Then, if you choose, I will include a post it on the post card with some information about you (your name, e-mail, blog, flickr, etsy, etc.)

So heres the plan:
If you're interested in being apart of this, e-mail me with some information:
1) Attach either some of your drawings (preferably scanned) or some of your photography, that you'd be willing to have put on the back of a post card. It can seriously be anything. Anything that you've created that makes you think, "damn, I am freaking talented", send my way! There is no specific theme to the post cards right now. When the holidays come along, I will ask for more specific images, but right now I am just asking for whatever you've got!
2) If you'd like a post it with some of your information, please tell me exactly what information about your self you'd like the post it to include.
3) If you know a family we could sponsor, first contact them and make sure that they are okay with it, and then let me know.
4) Anything else you want to say! (:

I want to get this project up and running by the end of this summer. Once we go back to school, life is obviously going to be super hectic. That means I need to get your images, create the post cards, and get them all put up in a shop and spread the word by the end of August. With that being said, if you'd like to have your art on a post card, please send it to me ASAP!

Once the etsy shop is created (hopefully by the middle of August), I'd like to get some giveaways going on blogs in order to get people to check out the post cards and stationary. If you're interested in having a give away on your blog, let me know. Basically what will happen is the host of the give away will say something like "leave a comment on my blog letting me know which post card you like most". This will get people looking at the shop, and will hopefully get them to buy something even if they do not win. I am thinking that the winner will receive 3 free post cards, but we'll figure that out when we get there. 

Anyways, if you have any questions/comments/advice/want to get involved/want to chat/etc, please please reply! Also, if you could e-mail me with your art work by August 7th, that would be incredible. If thats not enough time, just let me know. But like I said, I'd like to get a shop running by the middle of August so that I can spend the rest of the month spreading the word. 

One last thing, if you know anyone else who is super talented and might be interested in having their art work featured, feel free to forward this to them! I am going to need all the art I can get!

Thank you so much for reading all of this,

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Matt and Kim are coming to town!

Seriously going to puke. I just asked Fernando to go with me to this. I hate myself for feeling this way and I hate myself for immediately thinking of him when I saw this, but what are you going to do. I hope he says yes! I hope he at least replies. If he doesn't reply by Thursday maybe I'll call him? Ugh, hes my ex and I should not be doing this to myself, but this is life and sometimes you have to just say fuck it and throw all logical reasoning out the window and just follow your heart. And my heart desperately wants to go to this show with that boy. 

Family Outtings

Today when I woke up, I had totally different plans for today. I was planning on running, cleaning, going to the farmers market, looking into buying a bike and possibly stopping at the eye doctor. Well then my mom decided it would be nice if we all went on a little adventure since I wasn't working and she didn't have anything to do for the day. I really didn't want to go, but I felt bad saying no, so I said yes. I am honestly really glad I went though. It was a nice day. We drove into the city and spent forever looking for a spot. Once we finally found one, we went walking through Central Park looking for the Zoo. On our hunt for the Zoo, we walked past this boat club or something (?) where you could rent a canoe for 1 hour for only $12. This is so unlike my mom - she is all about the mall and Louie Vuitton bags, but she agreed to go canoeing! We had trouble getting it going, but once we got the hang of it, it was so nice and fun! When our hour was up we continued our hunt for the Zoo, ate some food and checked out the animals. On our way home we had some car issues, but overall it was a really lovely day. Not at all what I had planned and my room is still a mess, but I had a really nice time. 

On a side note, check out my hair! Ugh, every day is a constant struggle with my hair, but I just keep reminding myself of how healthy it is now and how freaking awesome my curls are going to be once my hair gets longer. But seriously - this sucks. My brother always tells me I look like Harry Potter. I don't see the resemblance. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012


That is a serious cheesin' smile I have going on in that picture up there - hopefully it doesn't creep anyone out! Ha ha (; Anyways, I can see that my blog has been getting a lot more views lately, yet my followers/comments have not changed at all! So I decided to create this post to say hello to all of you out there checking out my blog.

Hello! (:

My name is Jess and I am super friendly and I would love to get to know you! I could get into a serious whole about me thing right now, but I wont. If you have questions, leave them in the comments. Here are some questions I have for you! What sent you to my blog? What are things that you like/dislike about my blog? Are you reading anything good/eating anything good/listening to anything good that I should know about? Lets get to know each other! 
^That is me waving to you! It looks like I am doing some sort of weird dance move, but I promise its a wave!