Like I said a while ago, it is so hard for me to maintain a balance on my blogs. Either my blogs end up becoming really negative places that I use simply for venting, or they become these superficially happy places where I don't express my true emotions. Well, since this blog is about me and my happiness, I feel its important to write about the bad stuff too - if we didn't know what it was like to feel like crap, we'd have no understanding of happiness. So yeah, here it is; the not so happy things that I am feeling:
1. I am feeling sooo frustrated with Rutgers. I applied to the nursing program in March. When I applied, the school told me that by the end of June I would have an answer as to whether or not I was accepted. I felt that this would give me a reasonable amount of time to figure out an alternative plan if I didn't get in. Well here we are, on July 6th, and according to the Rutgers transfer website, "no decision has been made". I am just getting so annoyed because all through June I told myself "this isn't so bad, the longest I'll have to wait is X amount of days", because to my understanding there was a deadline I would know by. Well those days have run out, and I still don't know. And its just really really starting to annoy me!
2. At the party I mentioned in my last post, there was this boy (ha ha, me and boys!). I've known him for a while from school and I always thought he was cute, but whatevzzzz. I think lots of people are cute. Well yeah, then at the party we started talking and uggh. Then I started to find him really cute. We went into the basement and drank together (we took a shot of beer because thats all we could find, which I think is really funny), we hung out in the grass together, when I was sitting in this rocky chair he stood behind me and was rocking the chair for me. Ha ha, obviously none of it was a big deal at all. It was just really little things that slowly made me start to feel more attracted to him. Well theeeeen, our other friend kicked everyone out of the basement, and left this boy and another girl in the basement together. Some how everyone wound up re-entering the basement, so said boy and girl left the basement and hooked up on the grass. I know its silly, but it was kind of disappointing. I didn't even want to do anything with him, but it still kinda bothered me. And then the next day he was apart of the group that went to the beach and he looked so tan and his arms looked so muscular. Oh gosh, I get so carried away when I find people attractive. Ha ha.
3. Fernando freaking Azpiri! My goodness. I really feel that I am pretty much over him. I mean I still have lonely days where I miss him, but for the most part I am in a really good place right now. And its lame because now that I am in this good place, it'd be nice if him and I could be friends. I sent him a text message of a picture that I came across that reminded me of him. Did he answer? No. Does he ever answer? No. And before when I wasn't over him, I would have been really upset and hurt by this. But now I just think hes being stupid. Seriously, c'mon bro, its just a text. Its not a request to shove my tounge down your throat - I think you can respond.
So yeah, thats about it. I mean if this is what my worries consist of, I think I can confidently say my life is pretty good. But I still think its important to recognize negative emotions and be able to express them. Ya dig? Anything you need to get off your chest?