Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Today, in one word, was draining. I am exhausted in all senses of the word. Emotionally, physically and mentally. Luckily I have tomorrow off to recharge. I have work in the morning, but after that I am just going to take the day off to catch up on some school work, and relax. Here is just a little list of why I am so tired today:
* So my day began at 7:30am. I woke up, got ready and headed to my 9:15 class. I had class for three hours, downed a quessadilla (that was pretty gross) and then headed to another 3 hour class. The second class put a damper on my mood because I did 5 out of the 6 readings for that class, but missing out on that one reading left me feeling so unprepared for the class.
* I got back to my dorm, and decided to do some laundry (which I have yet to put away). As I was trying to keep my self busy while my laundry did its thing, I began to feel like I couldn't breathe. It was both a litteral and metaphorical feeling of being suffocated if that makes sense. It was literally hard to breath, but I also just felt so consumed by my daily grind. So I decided to go for a walk and shoot a few frames on my film camera which usually gets neglected. This helped to recenter me a bit.
* Doing work and dinner with my friends was nice, but even during that, I felt pretty out of it.
* I was really excited to go rock climbing with Max, but my off-ness just continued on the rock wall. I was struggling a lot with the routes and I was going up so slowly. I know Max really well, and so as I was climbing, I just knew that he wanted to be climbing and I felt the unfairness in how long I was taking. After we talked about it (we had an intense conversation about our relationship as rock climbing partners) and so that helped.
* Not to mention that I am dumb. And so while all of this was going on, I was anticipating the arrival of a stupid text message. Technology really sucks sometimes.

But for reals - look at how pretty dem shoes are.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

First Day of Class

Yesterday was my first day of classes for the spring semester! I am a nerd I suppose, but I always get really exited for the first day of classes. Monday, I spent the day organizing my anatomy notes and picking out which notebooks I would use for each of my new classes. I just love stuff like that. Then I spent some time deciding what I wanted to wear for the first day (like a little kid! ha ha), and I am pretty happy with what I chose. 
Over winter break I kept bothering my mom to take me to the eye doctor (Why I couldn't take myself you ask? I don't have a car) and so finally a few days before break was over, she took me. The plan was that we would go to the eye doctor, and then go out to dinner. Well you see, my step dad is on this really intense diet where dinner is the only real meal he eats (everything is bar and shake supplements), so while I was picking out glasses, my mom kept rushing me because my stepdad was hungry, and now I am not sure how I feel about the frames I ended up with. I personally feel that they are too big for my face. The eye doctor has a 30 day return policy, so I might go over the weekend and try on a few other pairs. Can I get some honest opinions on these bad boys?
Anyway, back to my first day of class. It was such an exhausting day! My first class was at 9:15am, and I didn't finish with class till 9:30 pm. I spent a lot of the day going to classes that I am not even sure I am going to keep in my schedule. I figured I could go to the class and then decide. I went to this one Anthropology class called Women in Writing Culture. I was planning on dropping it, but the class actually seemed pretty cool. We watched a moving on Margret Mead that I really enjoyed! Would 19 credits this semester be a really bad idea? Probably. I have the day off today, so I am going to go and apply for a job at some places. If I get a job, I will drop the class. If I don't get a job, I will keep it. That sounds like a pretty good deciding factor, right?

Anyone else experiencing the fun-ness that is going back to school?

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Happy New Year!

So, I decided that I really didn't get a great start to the New Year. I still eat crap, I probably run less now than I did before the New Year started, and I feel more lazy and unmotivated than ever. That being said, every day is a completely fresh start to get it right, and so I am declaring tomorrow the official start of my New Year. These past two weeks were just a trial run. And now that I know how I don't want the NewYear to go, I am ready to get it right!
Generally, here is where I would make a list of all the things I want to change, but I already created a small list of resolutions. Huge lists of how I am going to completely change my life over night leave me feeling disappointed and defeated. So I am not going to wake up tomorrow and expect to be a totally changed lady. I am just going to wake up and do small things that will help me become the person I want to be.
How has the New Year been treating you?

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Ugly internet faces

It feels like I am spending more time on the internet than ever! I guess with too much free time and too little friends/hobbies, thats what happens. Especially now that I have really gotten into youtube - I could seriously spend hours just sitting on youtube getting lost in videos. Every once in a while, when I am having fun on the interweb, I open up my webcam to check myself out. Usually I am making to most hideous face, eyes glossed over, mouth hanging open, face contorted by hand ... you catch my drift. Here are some examples of my ugly internet-browsing faces:
Is sad that my internet faces aren't prettier. And its weird, because when I am watching youtube videos or reading about running (two of my usual internet activities), I am totally engrossed and enjoying myself. But you would never be able to tell by looking at those faces!
I guess this sort of leads back to one of my new years resolutions which was to spend less time on the internet. Agh, its just such a difficult thing to do! However, I am going to try! I am going to try right now actually. Once I publish this post, I am closing my laptop and I am going to eat cookies that my mom baked and I am going to read something fancy.

This is just one of those random thoughts that floats around my brain that I never talk to anyone about, so I figured I would post about it. Perhaps you can send me one of your ugly internet faces! That would be fun.

Friday, January 11, 2013

A late bloomer

Recently I have been feeling like a little kid who got lost in her moms closet and makeup bag whenever I get ready. I am trying to figure out my own personal style, and so I am failing a lot along the way. The other day, I was wearing a black dress with grey tights, black boots and purple socks that peeked over my boots. On top of that, I was wearing my green puffy winter coat that falls just below my hips, making my dress look like an awkward mini skirt. It was so bad that my boss, a 27 year old man who wear crocks, commented on my outfit saying "Check out that fashion statement!". Thats how you know you have accomplished a serious fashion no-no. I wish I had a picture so I could show just how lame I looked.
Also recently, I have invested in Urban Decays Naked Palette, hoping that pretty eyeshadow will distract from the fact that my hair is in a seriously awkward phase of growing out right now. Well, being that I have never really worn eyeshadow before, playing around with this eyeshadow has been a lot of trial and error. Mostly error that I don't have time to correct which leaves me feeling incredibly self conscious. But hopefully one day I will get it right. Either way, its fun to experiment with different colors and see what kind of affect they have.
Its sort of weird to be going through these things at 19 and a lot of times it leaves me feeling really uncomfortable and like I am still just a little kid. These are things that kids in middle school and high school go through - not college! I guess I just didn't really care that much back then. I remember once in high school, applying powder concealer all over my face and liquid foundation under my eyes. I felt quite silly when my friend explained to me that these products are used in opposite ways. And after that I just never really cared to learn. Same with clothes. I love looking at other peoples pretty outfits, but I never cared too much to create pretty outfits of my own. For the most part skinny jeans, a v-neck and a cardigan are good for me. Maybe a scarf if I am feeling really fashionable.

Has anyone else gone through a similar weirdness of self discovery at such a late age? Any tips on how to deal with this?

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Ello, New Year

Today is the first day of the NewYear, and for some reason I am just not in the whole New Year, fresh start spirit. I am tired and feeling a little crappy. But, I have this list of resolutions that I have been working on over the past week, so here they are:

01) Only trim my hair. No major hair cuts - for the whole year
02) Run at least one mile, every day. (With days off as needed) Keep track of it
03) Play piano for 5 minutes, every morning.
04) Wear a dress at least once every week.
05) Limit computer time!
06) Read at least one book every month
07) Shop at a thrift store once a month, and try to buy more clothes there.
08) Be one size smaller by next year

I wanted to create goals that were measurable. Rather than just saying "Read More" - because really, what is more? So everything has a measure to it, besides computer time, because being in college with late night study sessions and the such, putting a specific time limit on computer time is unrealistic.

Well, I am going to go for a run, and then spend the rest of the night with a cup of tea, and my copy of The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I hope everyone had a lovely first day of 2013.