Friday, November 2, 2012

Not so happy things

Dear Grandma,

I really wish you were here right now. So many frustrating things are going on right now, and I know if you were here to talk to about them, you would totally agree with me. I am going to make a list of all of  the things bothering me right now, and just know that you'd feel the same way.

1) Mom is seriously getting on my nerves. I am away from school for weeks at a time, and then when I come home she is just such a jerk. While I am at school, I always miss her so much, but then when I come home she makes no effort to spend time with me, and shes a jerk when we do talk. Today I was looking for my cellphone in her car, and I noticed she had a lot of new nail polishes in her glove compartment. I commented on it to her, and she freaked out and said something to the effect of how she hates when I am home because she always feels so tense when I am around. And before that, when we were at the pizzaria she made a comment about how her Tom and Thomas are so set in their ways and whenever I come home I disrupt it. It makes me feel so shitty when she says things like that, and it makes me feel like theres not even a point in coming home. I wish you were here because I know you'd agree, and you'd say something to her.
2) Mom is like freaking about about this gas thing going on, and she doesn't want to drive anywhere, but then she sees that target has some stupid game that Thomas wants, and now she's driving there to get it. So dumb.
3) This whole hurricane jazz and people being so displaced has me kinda feeling down. Everyone just lost so much and I feel so bad about it. Tomorrow I am going to volunteer at the high school and when I get back to school I am going to volunteer as much as I can. I guess thats all I can do, but I still feel bad and wish I could do more. And I am probably being dumb, but I just feel a little bit bothered because it feels like the people not affected by the hurricane are going on with their lives as if its no big deal (maybe thats me just being to critical, but thats how it feels). For example, my friends are planning to have a party tomorrow night. How can you have a party and have a good time, when so many people just lost everything?! I understand that you can't stop living and having a good time because of things like this, but I just feel that right now people priorities should be helping out those that need it - not getting drunk on a Saturday night. And feeling this way makes me feel like I am too soft to be a nurse. Not to put myself on a pedestal or act like I am so kind/compassionate, but I just feel so much sometimes, and seeing sad things makes me really sad. So I don't know how I am going to be able to see sad things at work everyday, and then go on to live a normal, happy life outside of work. Its a little concerning.

Well, this list turned into more of a vent, but I know that you'd have no problem listening to this vent and so it kinda sucks that you're not here to do that. I hope where ever you are, its freaking awesome.

I love you so much old lady,
Jessie Pooh

4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I get what you mean about sometimes feeling too much. I think that would make you a great nurse, though. Don't worry about it. Eventually you get used to the life, I'm sure. You have to care to really connect with patients, and eventually, dividing your job and life will come natural!

    -Lauren

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  2. I'm sorry about all of this! Hopefully venting made you feel somewhat better even if it didn't make any of the problems go away. Sometimes it's hard when you're in the middle of everything to see the big picture of things, but keep your head up. There are only so many things we have control over and other people certainly aren't a part of that. If you ever wanna vent, my email inbox is always open, sweet pea!

    Also, I lost two grandparents this year and my grandpa when I was 8. I still miss him and think about him every day, 12 years later.

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