I missed my clinical today. And I feel so awful about it. But I am just trying to remind myself to look at the big picture. In three years when I am working at a hospital saving lives or consoling a patient, one missed clinical will mean nothing. It will be a funny story that I can tell my coworkers. It will be just one more struggle that helped me to realize how much I want this. This morning I thought of all the horrible things that could happen from missing this clinical - Failing this course. Being a whole year behind. Getting kicked out of nursing. I doubt (and really hope not!) that any of those things will happen. And I just have to take this as a little wake up call. I have been pretty exhausted - staying at the library until midnight and later a few times a week, plus working and having hardly any time for friends. But all of these sacrifices will get me to where I want to be. And I know this is where I want to be. I just have to keep working for it, and keep my eyes set on the big picture. All of these short term struggles are just to ween out the people who don't really want this and aren't willing to work for it. I have made it this far, and there is no way I am stopping now. I am half way through this semester. I just have to keep on pushing. Keep on working my ass off. And maintain a good attitude. So what if my GPA is only a 3.3 when some friends have 3.7 and higher? Its just a number. And it doesn't mean they want it more than me. Maybe they're just better at studying or better test takers or have a better memory. The fact that this is a struggle for me, and yet I have made it so far is really amazing, and not something a lot of people can say they did. This is something I am actually really fighting for. Every day. Every time I go to the library instead of hanging out with my friends or going to a party or going home - I am fighting for this.
Okay. This post was really intense and dramatic. But I needed a little pep talk after such a bummer morning. Now, off to the library. I want to get a B on this pharm exam so badly!
**UPDATE** - I actually DID get a B on that pharm exam, so take that!