I am having these thoughts right now, and I feel like I need to get them out before I can do anything else. I guess if I were to summarize it, right now my thoughts are about how life is weird.
Four years ago, it felt like once I got into college, all my problems would be solved.
Three and a half years ago, it felt like once I got into the nursing problem, all of my problems would be solved.
Three years ago it felt like once I started clinicals, all of my problems would be solved.
A year ago it felt like once I graduated all of my problems would be solved.
A month ago it felt like because I had gotten a boyfriend, it was possible all of my problems were solved.
Right now, it feels like once I pass the NCLEX all of my problems will be solved.
In two weeks, its going to feel like once I get a job all of my problems will be over.
In five weeks its going to feel like once I get a car all of my problems will be solved
Six months from now its going to feel like once I get comfortable in my new job, all of my problems will be solved.
A year from now its going to feel like once I get married all of my problems will be solved.
See the theme? I guess what I am realizing is that there is no end-all be-all. Life is not a game where once you reach a certain level, everything is easy and fun and all thats left to do is enjoy all of the hard work you've put in. There will alwaaays be hard work to put in. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the process, or take time away from the process.
I keep telling myself once I get to this point, it will be aaaaaaalllll good. But I am realizing that I have reached so many of those points. I have accomplished so much and come so far. But life will continue to present me with new challenges. And I really need to change the way I look at those challenges. I haven't left my house AT ALL today, because I have in my mind that I need to stay home and focus on studying and in two weeks I can get back to enjoying my life. But thats craaazzy!
I have a friend who has been at his real-person job for like a year now. Since he's started working, hes made a point to travel to different places across the country, go to music festivals, and he recently posted a picture of him at a concert (on a work night!) with the caption "As soon as you're born you start dying, so you might as well have a good time". And that really resonates with me right now. I am also just such a sucker for good quotes like that.
Idk. Obviously right now studying really does have to be my priority. But that doesn't mean I should lock myself in my house for days on end in order to prove to myself or the world that I am taking this seriously. So yeah, those are my thoughts for tonight. I am gonna go sit outside for a little while now, and then I'll get back to it.