Self love, running and other thoughts

I have been having a lot of internal struggles lately. I guess what it really boils down to is that its winter break, and I am spending a lot more time with myself, and as much as I thought that I was okay with that whole self love thing, I have come to realize that I am actually really horrible at it. In fact, I get caught up in these crazy whirlwinds of picking myself apart, and thinking really mean things about myself that I would never ever say about other people. Its something I am trying really hard to work on though. I cant say its getting better just yet, but I've at least acknowledged that this pattern of thought is not healthy, and I suppose thats the first step.

I went for my first longer run in a really long time tonight, and it felt so great. I sat in my room for a while debating if I wanted to go. I made a map on mapmyrun, and then I told myself I'd run it tomorrow during the day. But then I realized I was doing absolutely nothing with my night and seriously had no excuse to not go. I had my route picked, I had my running clothes ready, and I had plenty of time to spare. So I went, and I ran 3.5 miles. Its not much compared to what I was doing when training for half marathons and the such. But its still something. And it felt really great. It took about a mile (as it usually does) for me to find a good rhythm, really settle in, and adjust to the cold air. But once I found it, I was pretty glad that I still had 2.5 miles left to enjoy it. And my legs started to get a little tired, which made me think about the cliche that running is just as much a mental sport as it is a physical one. And that thought kept me going all the way back to my house.

Now I am home, nice and settle with tea on my right and the book Born to Run on my right. With the exception of a few nights with friends, my break has pretty much consisted of chill nights like this, at home just relaxing. At first I hated it - it was such a rough adjustment from the madness I went through this semester. But now I am learning to appreciate these nights, and I know I am going to miss them when the semester starts!

I was just about to end this post, but I had another thought. I think chill nights at home are hard to enjoy when you're watching youtube videos of awesome people driving across India, and watching people on TV doing these crazy things with there friends. I don't know. I think one big part of self care and self love that I am really trying hard to learn is to not compare myself to other people. And that is 1000x easier to do when you disconnect from the TV and internet, because then you really have less to compare yourself to. Obviously I am not saying that I want to stop watching TV and going on the internet all together. I love those things way too much. But I think my love for those things has also been a huge contributor in my weird lack of self esteem lately.