MICHELLE, this is for you!

Hi Michelle!! So you should ignore the fact that I am really awkward and I say "like", approximately 7000 times, and the fact that I am really bad at telling stories. Just appreciate this for what it is. Ha ha. I love you and miss you! <3 Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this in my video, but Keiko Lynn has the shirt that I am wearing! Aw yeah - sale rack at Madewell!

Butts.

I was just talking to a friend about how I accidentally to a really long break from blogging. School basically just took over my life. But now I have a few weeks to breath before finals swallow me whole, so here I am. I turned twenty exactly one week ago! It was a pretty lame birthday, but lets not get into that. Tonight I am going to attempt to catch a glimpse of the Aurora Borialis. I am pretty excited. Its something Fernando and I always used to talk about seeing together, so its weird that seeing it with him is not even an option. But whatever. I am seeing it with other really lovely people who are permanent additions to my life. So that makes it even more special; rather than seeing it with some fleeting boy.

Speaking of boys, I have been really bitter about relationships lately. I guess its me secretly wanting to be in one? I don't know. Its odd. I just really have not found someone that I like. So yeah. Theres that. It will happen one day though. And it will be really special since I have waited so long for it. Sometimes I think about it though, and I get worried that I will just end up being alone. Theres so much I want to do - so many places I want to live and changes I want to make in the world. I can imagine making all of that happen if I have another person in my life to consider  Perhaps I will just have to find someone who wants to make all the same changes. That would be lovely.

Speaking of changes, I think I decided I want to be a cardiac nurse. Heart disease is the biggest killer in the United States. So if I am a cardiac nurse, I will be able to save so many lives. I feel like I would be able to affect the greatest number of people that way. But we'll see. Its sounding pretty perfect right now.

Also, here is a picture of butts from when me, Max, Megan and Brian did the no pants subway ride over winter break. It was really ridiculously funny!

Drained

Today, in one word, was draining. I am exhausted in all senses of the word. Emotionally, physically and mentally. Luckily I have tomorrow off to recharge. I have work in the morning, but after that I am just going to take the day off to catch up on some school work, and relax. Here is just a little list of why I am so tired today:

* So my day began at 7:30am. I woke up, got ready and headed to my 9:15 class. I had class for three hours, downed a quessadilla (that was pretty gross) and then headed to another 3 hour class. The second class put a damper on my mood because I did 5 out of the 6 readings for that class, but missing out on that one reading left me feeling so unprepared for the class.
* I got back to my dorm, and decided to do some laundry (which I have yet to put away). As I was trying to keep my self busy while my laundry did its thing, I began to feel like I couldn't breathe. It was both a litteral and metaphorical feeling of being suffocated if that makes sense. It was literally hard to breath, but I also just felt so consumed by my daily grind. So I decided to go for a walk and shoot a few frames on my film camera which usually gets neglected. This helped to recenter me a bit.
* Doing work and dinner with my friends was nice, but even during that, I felt pretty out of it.
* I was really excited to go rock climbing with Max, but my off-ness just continued on the rock wall. I was struggling a lot with the routes and I was going up so slowly. I know Max really well, and so as I was climbing, I just knew that he wanted to be climbing and I felt the unfairness in how long I was taking. After we talked about it (we had an intense conversation about our relationship as rock climbing partners) and so that helped.
* Not to mention that I am dumb. And so while all of this was going on, I was anticipating the arrival of a stupid text message. Technology really sucks sometimes.

But for reals - look at how pretty dem shoes are.

First Day of Class

Yesterday was my first day of classes for the spring semester! I am a nerd I suppose, but I always get really exited for the first day of classes. Monday, I spent the day organizing my anatomy notes and picking out which notebooks I would use for each of my new classes. I just love stuff like that. Then I spent some time deciding what I wanted to wear for the first day (like a little kid! ha ha), and I am pretty happy with what I chose. 

Over winter break I kept bothering my mom to take me to the eye doctor (Why I couldn't take myself you ask? I don't have a car) and so finally a few days before break was over, she took me. The plan was that we would go to the eye doctor, and then go out to dinner. Well you see, my step dad is on this really intense diet where dinner is the only real meal he eats (everything is bar and shake supplements), so while I was picking out glasses, my mom kept rushing me because my stepdad was hungry, and now I am not sure how I feel about the frames I ended up with. I personally feel that they are too big for my face. The eye doctor has a 30 day return policy, so I might go over the weekend and try on a few other pairs. Can I get some honest opinions on these bad boys?

Anyway, back to my first day of class. It was such an exhausting day! My first class was at 9:15am, and I didn't finish with class till 9:30 pm. I spent a lot of the day going to classes that I am not even sure I am going to keep in my schedule. I figured I could go to the class and then decide. I went to this one Anthropology class called Women in Writing Culture. I was planning on dropping it, but the class actually seemed pretty cool. We watched a moving on Margret Mead that I really enjoyed! Would 19 credits this semester be a really bad idea? Probably. I have the day off today, so I am going to go and apply for a job at some places. If I get a job, I will drop the class. If I don't get a job, I will keep it. That sounds like a pretty good deciding factor, right?

Anyone else experiencing the fun-ness that is going back to school?

Happy New Year!

So, I decided that I really didn't get a great start to the New Year. I still eat crap, I probably run less now than I did before the New Year started, and I feel more lazy and unmotivated than ever. That being said, every day is a completely fresh start to get it right, and so I am declaring tomorrow the official start of my New Year. These past two weeks were just a trial run. And now that I know how I don't want the NewYear to go, I am ready to get it right!

Generally, here is where I would make a list of all the things I want to change, but I already created a small list of resolutions. Huge lists of how I am going to completely change my life over night leave me feeling disappointed and defeated. So I am not going to wake up tomorrow and expect to be a totally changed lady. I am just going to wake up and do small things that will help me become the person I want to be.

How has the New Year been treating you?

Ugly internet faces

It feels like I am spending more time on the internet than ever! I guess with too much free time and too little friends/hobbies, thats what happens. Especially now that I have really gotten into youtube - I could seriously spend hours just sitting on youtube getting lost in videos. Every once in a while, when I am having fun on the interweb, I open up my webcam to check myself out. Usually I am making to most hideous face, eyes glossed over, mouth hanging open, face contorted by hand ... you catch my drift. Here are some examples of my ugly internet-browsing faces:

Is sad that my internet faces aren't prettier. And its weird, because when I am watching youtube videos or reading about running (two of my usual internet activities), I am totally engrossed and enjoying myself. But you would never be able to tell by looking at those faces!

I guess this sort of leads back to one of my new years resolutions which was to spend less time on the internet. Agh, its just such a difficult thing to do! However, I am going to try! I am going to try right now actually. Once I publish this post, I am closing my laptop and I am going to eat cookies that my mom baked and I am going to read something fancy.

This is just one of those random thoughts that floats around my brain that I never talk to anyone about, so I figured I would post about it. Perhaps you can send me one of your ugly internet faces! That would be fun.

A late bloomer

Recently I have been feeling like a little kid who got lost in her moms closet and makeup bag whenever I get ready. I am trying to figure out my own personal style, and so I am failing a lot along the way. The other day, I was wearing a black dress with grey tights, black boots and purple socks that peeked over my boots. On top of that, I was wearing my green puffy winter coat that falls just below my hips, making my dress look like an awkward mini skirt. It was so bad that my boss, a 27 year old man who wear crocks, commented on my outfit saying "Check out that fashion statement!". Thats how you know you have accomplished a serious fashion no-no. I wish I had a picture so I could show just how lame I looked.

Also recently, I have invested in Urban Decays Naked Palette, hoping that pretty eyeshadow will distract from the fact that my hair is in a seriously awkward phase of growing out right now. Well, being that I have never really worn eyeshadow before, playing around with this eyeshadow has been a lot of trial and error. Mostly error that I don't have time to correct which leaves me feeling incredibly self conscious. But hopefully one day I will get it right. Either way, its fun to experiment with different colors and see what kind of affect they have.

Its sort of weird to be going through these things at 19 and a lot of times it leaves me feeling really uncomfortable and like I am still just a little kid. These are things that kids in middle school and high school go through - not college! I guess I just didn't really care that much back then. I remember once in high school, applying powder concealer all over my face and liquid foundation under my eyes. I felt quite silly when my friend explained to me that these products are used in opposite ways. And after that I just never really cared to learn. Same with clothes. I love looking at other peoples pretty outfits, but I never cared too much to create pretty outfits of my own. For the most part skinny jeans, a v-neck and a cardigan are good for me. Maybe a scarf if I am feeling really fashionable.

Has anyone else gone through a similar weirdness of self discovery at such a late age? Any tips on how to deal with this?